


Kisses in a Cornfield

by Westgate (Harkpad)



Category: Marvel
Genre: Bisexual Character, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Circus, Coming Out, F/M, M/M, Teenage Drama, Teenaged Clint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 13:30:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3069917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harkpad/pseuds/Westgate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint is fifteen and really wants to make out with his best friend, Jake. He also wants to make out with his other best friend, Katie. It's confusing, you know? So he has to come out to them both, first, and that's hard because gay they've heard of, but bi? That's just weird.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kisses in a Cornfield

**Author's Note:**

> So this came about because a conversation on tumblr about representation in fanfic. I always imagine Clint as bi, but I've never written about it explicitly. I wanted to contribute to the representation issue somehow, so here this is. Please keep in mind that everyone's coming out experience is different, and there's no right way or wrong way to do it. Reactions clearly vary, so this is not meant to represent any sort of generic coming out scenario. It's just the scenario I wanted to write.

The sun bathed Clint’s face as he lay in the soft, green grass behind the strongman’s trailer on a fall day. He felt calm, controlled, the anger that was so present in his chest these days was cooled, and he just closed his eyes and soaked in the rays of light. He could feel them gently pushing against his cheeks, and it felt invigorating, like he was soaking up positive energy. Maybe he was. His calloused hand brushed against the boy lying next to him, brushed his hand, but neither one flinched away like so many other boys did when they accidentally touched.

Jake was his age, fifteen, and was in charge of all the other feeding, grooming, and cleaning kids on the circus lot. It was a big responsibility, and Clint loved watching Jake kneel down and explain how to groom the sheep to an eight or nine year old. He was fantastic with little kids; Clint wished someone like him had been around when he and Barney arrived six years ago. Clint rolled over in the grass and propped his head up on his elbow to watch Jake doze next to him.

He admired the sandy brown hair that flopped across Jake’s forehead, flipping up a little in front of his eyes, and the sun kissed brown of his high cheekbones, and the button nose over perfect red lips partly open as he snored lightly. Clint could look without getting caught, so he did, but he also knew that if Jake caught him staring he’d just chuckle and knock Clint’s elbow out from under him to spark a wrestling match that would end with both of them laughing and panting in the grass.

He watched Jake sleep for a couple minutes and then rolled back onto the grass to watch the white clouds move swiftly through the blue sky of a Kansas field. He only had another hour or so before he had to start getting dressed for his act that night. Jake would help him with his costume and then Katie would come by to help with his makeup. He could do most of the makeup by himself, but she liked to do his eyeliner for him and he liked the brush of her soft breath on his face as she leaned over him. When he knew she was finished, he’d tickle her ribs and she’d lean back and huff while her green eyes danced with laughter. Her laugh seemed to trickle into his stomach and made him feel warm, and he wondered what her lip gloss tasted like from time to time.

He was so lucky. He had two best friends who made him feel safe, and they would both be there for him after the show, especially if Trick lit into him for some minor infraction. Jake would prop Clint up on his shoulder while Katie would wipe blood from his chin and push an ice pack to his cheek, and they would both cuss Trick out for him while he tried to catch his breath.

It was ineffectual cussing, though. They all knew it. Clint depended on Trick to keep him in the show, and the circus was full-up with kids and didn’t have a spot for Clint if he lost the one he had in his act. Cussing Trick out for real was not a smart idea. So they cussed him out in private, and let Clint shake against them if the hits were too hard, and the three of them usually ended up in a pile of blankets on the hard floor of the kids’ trailer or in a field if the weather was good. Jake and Katie didn’t make Clint feel bad if tears tracked down his face, and Clint helped them out with their chores when he wasn’t busy practicing.

The day he realized he wanted to kiss them _both_ senseless was a day like any other, but ended like a dream.

They sat sharing a Coke and a pile of French fries on a towel they’d thrown down in the grass next to the horse trailers and Jake made Katie and Clint laugh so hard soda came out Clint’s nose. He rolled in the grass laughing and when he pulled himself up, he leaned over to kiss Jake like it was the most natural thing in the world. He stopped short, though, because his brain caught up to the situation, and he stared wordlessly at Jake’s lips before he shook himself out of it and leaned back. Jake was staring at him with a smirk on his face, and Clint wanted to fist his hands in the faded blue t-shirt Jake was wearing and pull him close. He didn’t though. He looked at Katie and she was frowning.

He scrambled backwards and pulled his knees up to his chest and set his chin on his torn jeans, breathing heavily. “Fuck, that was hilarious, Jake,” he said, trying to ignore the moment he almost blew the most important friendships he’d had in his life so far.

“You wanna kiss me, Clint?” Jake asked around a grin. His blue eyes were sparkling and he leaned toward Clint again.

Clint looked furtively at Katie, and she stood slowly and put her hands on the waist of her jeans.

“I thought,” she said, but then she stopped and stared at Jake. “You want him to kiss you?”

Jake cocked his head. “You gonna tell on me? You’d better not tell on me.” He lost the grin on his face as she stared stoically. “I didn’t think you’d tell,” he said.

She shook her head. “I won’t tell. It’s just,” she cut herself off and looked at Clint with sad eyes. “I thought-“

Clint stood up and stepped toward her. “Katie,” he started.

“I thought you liked me,” she said quickly. “I thought we’d been flirting and I thought you two were just best friends and you liked me and we’d…shit. Never mind, Clint. Kiss him. I won’t tell.” She turned on her heel and stormed off, and he watched her red hair bob in the sunlight as she left.

He looked at Jake and backed away a little. This wasn’t making sense. His body had been weird since puberty hit him at fourteen. Katie and Jake weren’t the only ones who ever made him feel anything. He got a tingly thrill of pleasure when he watched the high wire act, and he couldn’t tell if it was the lithe Mary with her sequins and sharp smile, or her partner, Luke, with his compact strength and kind eyes. He didn’t understand it when it first hit, and he didn’t understand it now. “Fuck,” he said, and stared at the ground.

Jake took a step toward him. “Clint. Who do you want to kiss? ‘Cause I really want to kiss you, but I’m confused here.”

Clint laughed hysterically. “You’re confused? I’m confused, too, fuck. And now Katie’s pissed.” He ran his hand through his hair and looked at Jake.

“She won’t tell, though,” Jake said, stepping closer.

Clint stared at him. Jake was a little taller than Clint, but not by much. Right now the sunlight caught his hair and made it shimmer, and his eyes were bright. He was fucking beautiful and Clint wanted to feel his rough lips and taste the Coke they’d shared earlier on his tongue, but Katie. “Fuck,” he said, and backed away.

Jake stopped and his face dropped. “Clint?” He crossed his arms and then brushed his hair from his eyes, like he was nervous.

“I don’t know,” Clint whispered, and he turned and jogged away, leaving Jake standing in the dust of the cornfield on a bright day.

He went to the practice tent, grabbed his bow and a quiver of arrows, and shot. He emptied the quiver without thinking of anything but the pull of the bowstring and the sting on his fingers. When he finished, sweat dripped into his eyes and his breath was heavy.

“Clint?”

He spun in the dirt of the tent and saw Katie standing at the entrance. Her eyes were crinkled with worry.

“Talk to me, Clint,” she said, and stepped toward him. “Tell me what happened out there. Jake’s yelling at the little ones and won’t talk to me, and you’ve been shooting so hard that you didn’t hear me come in. What happened?”

He turned away and walked to the target. He pulled the arrows out one by one, slowly, methodically, and put them back in the quiver before he turned back to her. She moved closer.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” she said, and he looked toward the door of the practice tent.

“Not here,” he said, and she followed him as he put the bow and quiver away and wiped the sweat off his face with a towel before leading her out of the tent and to the empty bleachers of the sideshow lot.

They sat down on the metal bench and she shimmied close to him and pressed her shoulder to his. “I’m sorry I stormed away,” she said. “But I don’t understand what’s going on.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t understand, either,” he said. His voice was rough, so he cleared his throat. “You know you like guys, right?” he asked, looking up at her. “I mean,” he tried to laugh, “You wanted me to kiss you, right?”

She smiled at him and her eyes looked like the cool grass they slept in some nights. “I wanted you to kiss me,” she replied.

“Have you ever wanted a girl to kiss you?”

“I’m not gay, Clint,” she answered, and she looked confused.

“I know, I know! I mean,” he stammered, “I guess, I don’t know. I want to kiss you,” he said and her eyes widened. “But I want to kiss Jake, too.” She frowned again, and they sat in silence for a moment before he put his head down on his knees. “I’m so weird.”

He wasn’t looking, but he felt her hand rest on his back and start to rub. He wanted to arch into it, it felt so good, but he didn’t. She kept rubbing.

“You can’t kiss both of us,” she said softly. “I don’t really understand. I mean, I get homosexuality,” she added. “You would want to kiss Jake.”

“I asked Gloria,” Clint said. Gloria was a ‘soothsayer’ for the circus, but she was also the strongman’s wife and she was pretty awesome. She hadn’t grown up in a circus – she was from Brooklyn – and she loved when Clint offered to help her clean out her trailer or cook a meal. She always shared her food and would let Clint ask as many questions about New York City as he wanted. She also knew a lot about the world. “She said it’s called being bisexual. You know, not straight and not gay.” He paused. “I don’t know.”

Katie kept rubbing his back, but she was quiet.

“I’m sorry,” Clint finally said, and he sat up, so she had to stop rubbing his back.

“It’s okay,” she said. “I don’t know, either. But who do you want to kiss?”

He couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of him. “You? Jake?” he said, and looked over at her.

“I won’t be your experiment,” she said, but she was smiling.

He couldn’t help his sigh. “It’s not an experiment, Katie; it’s my body. I get it, though. I’m going to go see what Jake is doing.” He stood, feeling strong for the first time in a few hours.

She nodded. Her eyes were shining like a gem. “Okay. Tell him he owes me dinner.”

“Why?” Clint asked.

“Because he said you were hot for him,” she answered with a grin. “And he was right.”

“I like you, too,” Clint said, and this was very important to him.

“Okay,” she said, and stayed on the bench. “I’ll see you in the makeup trailer later.”

“Good,” he answered, and decided to be bold. He leaned over and gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek. She shoved him playfully and laughed, so he flipped down the steps to the ground like it was an act so he could hear the chime of her laughter follow him away.

Jake tasted like Coke and smelled like aftershave and his kiss was rough but long, and they both lasted about three seconds when they broke the kiss to grope each other in the field behind the circus tents. It was awesome.

They lay there, panting, and Jake spoke up. His voice was rough in a whole new way and Clint wanted to make it do that again and again. “How do you know?” he asked, and he looked at Clint darkly.

“What? How do I know what?”

“That you like girls, too. I mean, you’ve never kissed one or fucked one, right?” Jake said, rolling up onto his elbows.

Clint looked up at the blue sky that matched Jake’s eyes. He took a deep breath. “I don’t know, I guess. I mean. I know I want to, so there’s that.”

“But you wanted me more,” Jake answered, except it wasn’t a brag. Just a statement.

“Today, yeah. I mean, you and me, we have a really good time together, and you’re gorgeous –“

“You could say all that about Katie, but you kissed me. So you probably like guys.”

Clint sat up. “Does it matter?”

“What?”

Clint leaned over and kissed Jake more gently this time, just tasting and feeling and breathing in the sunlight baked onto his cheeks and smelling the wind in his hair. He pulled back. “Does it matter? I’m here, kissing you, and whoever else turns me on isn’t anything to worry about right now. Okay?”

Jake looked at him closely, like he was searching for an answer in Clint’s eyes, and then a smile broke across his face like a sunbeam. “Okay,” he said, and pulled Clint down for another kiss.

Clint was a little late for makeup that night, and Katie just grinned and slapped him playfully.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I get that this is a 'best-case-scenario' kind of story. I get that it's pretty damned idealistic and a touch naive. I need happy things right now and figured some of you might need it, too. Thanks for reading!


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